Busy. Exhausted. Confused.

Pretty sure those three words sum up my life at nearly every  point in time. But it’s cool. Just livin dat college, lyfe yo. That’s whassup. Swaggy.

But for real though, school’s draining. It’s hard. You’ve got schoolwork and work work and socializing to do and on top of all that try to squeeze in a few hours of sleep? And I’m doing it all sans coffee. I’ve been caffeine free since summer. Don’t ask me how I’m doing it. I hardly know myself. At the rate I’m going, it’s possible I’ll cave any day now. I literally actually fell asleep in class today. Super embarrassing. Not cool.

And then, you know, there’s the whole boy thing too. What? BOYS?? What is this ‘boy’ you speak of??? I know, it’s completely crazy but for once in my life this rare species of male actually maybe seems to be probably interested in me sometimes or occasionally or randomly or whichever one is fewer or you know, likely not at all aka never. I don’t know, I’ve never had attention from boys before I have no clue what I am talking about or even how to function now that I’m twenty years into my life and finally being seen as something other than a disturbingly horrific wildebeest and or alien. So yeah, it’s safe to say there’s a lot of confusion there. And a lot of exhaustion due to being busy thinking about these boys all the time. BoyS. SSSS. YES THAT WAS PLURAL WHAT EVEN IS MY LIFE IS THIS SOME KIND OF SICK JOKE WHO IS PRANKING ME?!?

But yeah, it’s cool. You know, whatever. I’m chill. Clearly I’m awesome and cool and attractive and not scary or weird or untalented or terrifyingly awkward. I’ll handle this with ease and class and confidence and buckets absolutely zero tears. Because who cries over boys, pssh, amiright?

I’m going to interject here with some positivity, since I am supposed to be working on that. I definitely complain often about being tired and burnt out and busy and drained emotionally and physically but I really wouldn’t have it any other way. I love being at college, love living in the dorms, love this lifestyle. If I wasn’t here I’d be sad and lonely at home working some minimum wage job. Sure I’m going to be thousands and thousands of dollars in debt by the time I get out of this place, but I’ll deal with that later. I love this place and I think this is where I’m supposed to be, and  wouldn’t want to be anywhere else. The schoolwork is hard, but I’m learning. The lack of sleep is not ideal, but I always manage. And the boys make me crazy, and sometimes I think it’d be better not to have them at all, but that’s what I’ve had my whole life until this point. They’re helping make my college experience and I will definitely look back on these years fondly.

Seeing as it’s a half past midnight and the whole no coffee thing has turned me into a granny, I should wrap up this post and hit the hay. This is the earliest I’ll have gone to bed in over a week. Please pray this early to bed streak continues. For mine and everyone else’s sanity and well-being.

– Jade Alexandra


One thought on “Busy. Exhausted. Confused.

  1. Hiya Jade,
    I saw the title of this post and thought,”This person must be a college student!!”. Haha, I don’t know you but based on your post, I understand a bit about how you feel. A lot of times it feels like I don’t know what I’m doing either and it freaks me out because I’m paying so much freaking money for college. But don’t give up, girl! You got this. There can be beauty in messiness and confusion which is what I see from reading some of your words. You learn to endure and become stronger :] I hope blogging out your life will continue to help you figure some stuff out.

    Much love&luck,

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