What can I say? It’s been a rough few days. I’ve cried about boys, cried about homework, stressed over homework, considered changing my major, considered dropping out of school, got ditched by my friends, and now I’ve shaved my legs for no reason.
You know what I’m talking about. You’ve all had plans that didn’t pan out. You were gonna go out or see someone special so you showered and shaved your legs so they’d be baby soft and beautiful so you could have the absolute best time. And then just as you’ve finished smoothing the lotion into your silky skin, you get The Text. “Sorry, something came up, let’s do it tomorrow instead.”
And there it is: shaved legs gone to waste.
No one but you is going to get to see or experience your gloriously smooth leg limbs that could give a beluga whale’s pearly skin a run for it’s money. Instead of being shown off while dancing or at dinner, or getting caressed by caring hands in a romantic corner, your legs get stuffed under a desk or into sweats where they cry sad, lotion-saturated tears at the fact they’re forced to be hidden away.
But, it’s whatever, right? They’ll still be smooth tomorrow. Maybe not the same level as imported hand spun golden silk from exotic Chinese silkworms but, you know, what little prickle there is will be almost nonexistent. Almost. Ugh.
And you know, it’s not just the legs. It’s all the other preparation. It was the shower and the hair and the makeup and the outfit and the getting homework done ahead of time. It was the expectation and the anticipation; all that time washed down the drain with my dirt and sweat and tiny little leg hairs.
I’m telling myself to not be too upset. I should just enjoy my legs myself until tomorrow. (Because you can’t put off something twice, right?) I’ll bask in the glory of their silken shine and pet them gently since no one else will and enjoy the feel of fresh sheets against them tonight as I fall asleep. But on top of the sad weekend and the awful Monday I had, it’s hard to take what pleasure I can from this. I just can’t catch a break. I’m trying to keep my chin up, I’m trying to stay positive, I’m trying to see the light at the end of the tunnel. I’m trying to tell myself that this is all worth it, that it will all work out in the end, that everything will pay off. But I’ve been telling myself these things for so long and everything is still so hard. I joke about drowning in the amount of stuff going on in my life a lot, but it’s literally not even a joke. I’m getting consumed by everything and it’s taking it’s toll. I’m getting swallowed and I fear I only have a few gasps of air left to suck in before I’m held under and forced to indefinitely hold my breath until I die drowning or somebody saves me. And by looking at past experiences, it’s not likely anyone’s coming to save me.
Tomorrow my slightly duller legs will get to have their grand moment. They’ll still be smooth and things will turn out fine. Maybe not how I wanted them tonight, but much better than them not happening at all.
You know, as long as it’s sunny and warm. Goddamn it San Diego I swear to god if you give me cold clouds tomorrow I’m gonna flip a table.
(Stay tuned for my impending table flipping meltdown. Bring popcorn.)
– Jade Alexandra